Consider These Tips When Making New Year Resolutions

Happy New Year! Just like you, we too are excited about facing a brand new year! January is also the time when people start thinking about new year resolutions. But how important is it really to come up with new goals or promises when, as we know, sometimes promises get broken. Dr. Caroline Leaf tells us that it’s okay to not keep a resolution. She says it’s actually quite difficult to build a new mental habit, which is the foundation of any lifestyle change, and it requires time and good mind management. Here are some of Dr. Leaf’s wisdom nuggets regarding new year resolutions:

• As you start your new year’s journey, you may find that your resolution needs to be changed, because your needs have changed, or you find that your resolution was too big. This is why it is always important to be open-minded to changing your direction. If something doesn’t work for you, analyze why and try something different. Have what I call a “possibilities mindset”!
• It’s also important not to shame yourself for not keeping a new year’s resolution. Indeed, this is one reason why toxic positivity is such an issue in our society today. We are not designed to just feel good and transform into this perfect being the moment we say something positive (think positive affirmations) or do one good thing, like making a New Year’s resolution. Life is messy—being human is messy. It’s normal to fail at times, and it’s normal to feel anxious, unhappy and sad at times. In fact, these moments are often great learning experiences, if we change the way we see them; failure is not a loss, but a learning experience. 
• In my practice, travels and research, I have often observed that people tend to equate individual happiness and completing some check list of good activities with the good life, and they pursue it as an end goal. And, when they don’t get what they want, or when positive affirmations and New Year’s resolutions do not “work”, they are at a loss, and think they are not good enough and cannot be fixed, which creates all sorts of identity and mental health problems.  

• Yes, it is good to be happy, but that is not all life is. It is perfectly okay to experience other emotions like sadness and grief when things don’t work out (which often happens, since we do not control everything), and learn from these experiences—this is often how we grow and mature as human beings. It’s normal to feel sad or down; these emotions are signals that we need to listen to, not suppress or cover up with "happiness" or a resolution to be better. 
• If New Year’s resolutions and positive affirmations are used alone as a type of “Band-Aid” to a problem or mental health issue, they can cause way more harm than good. Failing to live up to impossible expectations can invalidate our very human experiences by telling us that we should cover up our pain, sorrow and anger with phrases like “be grateful” or “try to be positive!”, or actions like starting a new diet or exercise routine. We essentially gaslight our own feelings and experiences.
• Thinking we need to feel or act a certain way all the time also tends to promote the idea that to be better we must focus on the self as an individual and on our own happiness, which is only part of the picture. Yes, we do need to take the time to see to our own health and work on ourselves, both mentally and physically (as I have mentioned many times before!), but this is not the be all and end all of life. A “me, myself and I” mentality tends to distort our perspectives and values, impacting the way we see and interact with those around us and setting up negative feedback loops in the brain that affect our overall health and wellbeing.

Dr. Leaf also reminds us that at the end of the day, saying a positive affirmation or making a New Year’s resolution or decision to change your lifestyle is only one part of the picture. If you rely on these alone, you will be missing fundamental steps that will make your change and healing sustainable. This is why at RISE we incorporate mindset in our programs because health is not just about food and fitness. When we have the right mindset, we are able to thrive and create sustainable changes that lead to true transformation.

Here’s to a transformative new year!

The RISE team